So, no doubt you see as many of these things popping up on social media as I do:
For fucks sake! Stop telling me what makes a woman sexy.
For one thing you don't get to tell me what I like. I choose that. Yes I happen to think both Christina Hendricks AND Keira Knightly are really hot because I don't prescribe to what everyone else is told to do.
Secondly, you're not helping anyone. You think you're doing curvy women a favour? They're curvy, and if they feel good about it and think they're sexy then they're probably doing fine and getting all the welcome attention they need. They don't need you cack-handedly attempting to help 'em.
But how do you think skinny girls feel? You think you're helping them feel better about themselves? Or bigger girls, whose curves don't fit your 50's hourglass ideals?
If you think you're trying to break down patriarchal/media fed notions of how women should look then you've messed up by swapping one 'perfect woman' for another.
I wholeheartedly stand in the camp that says there shouldn't be an ideal body type for women to be aiming for- but you're not in that camp.
You're setting up a new camp that all the other dickheads ride to on the back of your bandwagon.
Also, I guarantee it's 90% women posting these things, not men. Hell, I don't even see lesbians posting this shit. Neither have I seen gay guys posting the male equivalent. That's because people decide what they find attractive- it's personal preference. And in no way should that be forced down anyone's opinion hole.
A recent campaign from Dove got it spot on when it showed pictures of women looking the way they look and posed the question as to if you thought they were beautiful. Obviously, the intention was to illicit a response that suggested everyone is beautiful in their own way.
Unintentionally, however, they offer you the choice you have in real life: "Do I find you physically attractive?" Which, no matter what movie or tv show tries to tell us isn't the be all and end all of someone being beautiful, is still a big factor.
Alas it doesn't say "She likes Schwarzenegger movies" or "She laughs at dick jokes" or "She reads Game Of Thrones" or "She has season tickets to United" or any one of the many hidden things you'd get to find out about her if you got the chance. Cos for me, that is when she really gets sexy.
Rattling on about curvy women or if you're thin enough to have a thigh gap or having fake or real boobs/hair/tan- it doesn't matter. If she is sexy to you then she is sexy!
If it's cos that loose fitting jumper hangs on her the right way, or cos she'll act like a fool just to entertain your kids, or cos she knows just the right thing to say to you to make you feel better than you think you are, or how the recklessness of her bawdy Sid James style laugh makes her look truly free, or cos she unquestionably understands what Batman means to you, or cos she's the only girl you've met who agrees that American Psycho is an amazing comedy, or that when you're wrapped up in her she just feels like home.
Those should be what you're focused on.
If you'd all stop concerning yourself with what the exact perfect female image is then maybe we could move on.
Until next time fools,
Pete
This is my idea for the ultimate thrill seeker's base jump of a lifetime.
I couldn't give you any mathematical accuracy as it's just an idea and I don't know if it'd work. But if it did it'd be ace!
So bear with me...
So first you drill a hole through the centre of the moon.
Make it about a mile wide. It'll need to also have elevators running down the side,preferably more like capsules in vacuum tubes. As many as possible. Running to both sides of the moon where the hole comes out.
So what happens is pretty much like a base jump except you fall for roughly 1000 miles. But it should also act like a bungee jump without the bungee cord.
From my limited understanding, gravity will obviously be lighter but the long decent and the vacuum of space should help speed that up so you'd essentially be flying pretty fast for 1000 miles. Like Superman. Albeit in a straight line.
Then you'll hit the centre.
And you'll fly right through. But then gravity should pull you back. The invisible bungee.
Then you should bounce back and forth like a yo-yo through the centre. Until you come to a stop, hanging in the middle.
Obviously there needs to be some system in the centre for catching people. I dunno- nets or whatever.
(I'm kind of assuming this will all be in the future so the elevators and catching apparatus will no doubt be more sophisticated than I can imagine now.)
But then you get pulled over to the side of the hole and get taken back up to the surface.
Simple.
Being a mile wide it'll be big enough so multiple jumps can happen at once as well as group/team jumps.
I assume the future will also have the walls or the inside of your visor (obviously you'll be in future space suits too) with optional video playback to make it look how you want it to look: flying through clouds/space/underwater/bloodstreams/a urethra. Entertainment in the elevators and up at the surface waiting area: karaoke/movies/bar/lapdances. The full package.
I call it:
MOON JUMP
Until next time fools,
Pete
I'm sure we've all done it. We've all had conversations along these lines, be it our own mistake or someone else's:
Film fan #1:- "Have you ever seen that movie with Gary Busey where he plays a homeless guy and he ends up living with a rich family in Hollywood? And he sleeps with the guys wife and mistress and makes his life hell?"
Film fan #2:- "You mean Down & Out In Beverly Hills?"
Film fan #1:- "That's the one."
Film fan #2:- "No it's not got Gary Busey in it. It's Nick Nolte that plays the homeless guy. Gary Busey is the guy that's trying to trap the Predator in Predator 2."
Film fan #1:- "No, no that's the guy who plays Bruce Banner's dad in that Hulk movie by Ang Lee."
Film fan #2:- "No THAT'S Nick Nolte. Eddie Murphy's partner in 48 hours."
Film fan #1:- "The guy who's Keanu Reeves' partner in Point Break?"
Film fan #2:- "GAAHH!! NO! THAT'S GARY BUSEY!!!"
I'm forever having these types of conversations with people. Sometimes it's simple mistaken identity that confuses them.
Sometimes it's stubbornness to believe they're wrong that drives them to keep pushing their point of view.
Sometimes it's the sheer inability to tell faces apart from each other.
In my case, if I ever make this mistake it's usually because they're incredibly similar looking. But right after discovering the difference between the actors I get an immediate idea in my head.
They'll probably never be in the same film.
Unless they're playing each others relatives...
So here is a suggestion to the makers of movies and/or television programs for people that could play each other's relations, be they parents, children, grandchildren or siblings.
N.B.-This post will be lady actors and then another time I'll put up one of gent actors
Elizabeth Perkins, Embeth Davidtz, Sarah Paulson & Bridget Moynahan
Maggie Grace, Leslie Bibb, Emma Caulfield & Rachael McAdams
Helen Hunt, Tina Fey & Anna Kendrick
Elisha Cuthbert, Alison Lohman & Chloë Moretz
Rosie Huntington-Whitely & Rachel Weisz
And the insanely obvious Meg & Jennifer Tilley
Until next time fools,
Pete
So everyone is all in tears and shit watching that new John Lewis Christmas advert.
I'm usually the first to well up at anything sentimental. As anyone who's ever watched a film with me should be able to testify.
But I just don't like it.
I find this version much more compelling.
Until next time fools,
Pete
Posted this a while back on Facebook, but I stand by it's merits.
Dear Hollywood,
Make a Predator film where the Predator is the protagonist and he gets
left on a hostile world with super hard bad-ass alien creatures in a
tough-as-shit eco-system.
He goes there to hunt but it's way tougher
than he thought and he has to survive, all the while relying less and
less on his equipment and meanwhile honing his hunting skills to near
perfection.
And call it 'Prey'.
Yours copyrightedly,
Pete
So, I get a lot of stuff popping into my head.
As do we all.
And sometimes I think about writing it down and sometimes I forget to do so and it's lost forever.
Sometimes it's a good thing cos obviously not every idea is good, in fact most are the gibberings of a lonely bored mind trying to occupy itself until the next cartoon comes on. But sometimes I'm gutted because if nothing else they're fairly entertaining.
I thought this would be a good place to write them down. That way I'll always be able to find them and people can have a look and comment/like/hate/troll/rant as they see fit.
This blog shall have no discernible thread between posts nor any particular point to it other than to put down the things my brain tells me are good ideas, even when I know they are not.
So here is my first one that's been in my head for around 12 years:
A con-man movie about two grifters. One finds out about his real father and seeks him out, the other is about to pull the biggest job of his life but has fallen for the mother of the woman he was going to use as a patsy after finding out she is in deep with some loan sharks after her mother inherits her father's bad debts after his death.
After some initial rivalry and double-crossing they must team up with each other to rip off the mob and save the two women with their trickery.
It will star Gary & Jake Busey as the estranged father and son and it will be called "Trust me".
The trailer will in fact end with the women saying "Are you sure you can pull this off?" and the pair turn to the camera slowly revealing their massive, teeth filled, trademark, shit-eating, remarkably untrustworthy grins and they say "Trust me!"
So this is what happens in my head.
And now it happens here.
Please feel free to check out my other blogs- The one where I make lists of things and the one that nobody is interested in.
Until next time fools,
Pete
